i'm afraid
it'll be a boy
and that boy will be you
and
you'll belong to somebody else
and they'll be nothing left for me
the gypsy told me
the card deck itself was telling me something
and there were two empresses
which i didn't understand at all at the time
but
i've thought i understood for a while now
but
maybe i'm wrong
i was thinking today:
what if i end up
having to have
a donor egg
and donor sperm
and i'm just the vessel
that's not what i want
would i settle for that
to get you
and
i thought:
i probably would
but
maybe
you don't want to wait
maybe you don't trust me
or what
if you're not tied to me so much as your dad
maybe
maybe i'll lose you both
or maybe i'll bore him to death with all my angst
and
what will you call me, i wonder
not mommy
not mom
[at least not till you're older and embarrassed by me]
mama ama ma
